So, ya Just Broke Up: Write About It

(Note to Email subscribers: There are many animated GIFs in this post, which may not translate to email. Please click on the post link for the full effect – trust me, it’s worth it.)

Confession: I wrote the beginning of my ground-breaking, mind-blowing breakup post way back in November. I flew back to my hometown, Omaha, and a couple weeks at home lent me the clarity I needed to finally recognize that we brought out the worst in each other, this relationship was “toxic”, two good people does not a good relationship make, etc… 

Then, he asked me to try again, and, although I knew better, I went back to give it another shot anyway.

F*** Sh*** D***

Merely 2 months later, my breakup post was still in-tact, but my dignity certainly wasn’t. Whereas, I had intelligently taken distance before the first breakup, this real and final breakup was brutal.

I suppose this last time around, he finished off the breakup. I knew it was for the best (and had never really adjusted to being back with him), but that didn’t make it easier. In just about 30 days, I had transformed from a self-assured, empowered and independent woman to a weak and pathetic little girl.

jwKBz

My head was fuzzy, and it was impossible to clarify my feelings during those early days. I thought long and hard about the best way to share this breakup with my small, but loyal following. Although I don’t shy away from sharing the imperfections in my life on this little blog, I’ve always tried to avoid delving into too many personal details. I want my blog to be a little “escape” from your monotonous boring workday, where you can laugh at my many kitchen nightmares, relate to my latest Sometimes Healthy slip-up and maybe grab a useful workout or two.

So, a deep venture into my personal life is unchartered territory. That said, come on ladies, how many of us have been through one of those “wish we could erase it from our mind” excruciatingly painful breakups? I knew many of you could commiserate, so I thought, “F*** it, I’m just going to write about it!” Ultimately, I decided the nitty-gritty details were just too sad and pathetic, and it would be much more fun to share the experience through an interactive GIF timeline.

So grab a box of chocolates, some ice cream or a bag of carrots (if you’re trying to be Sometimes Healthy), get cozy by the fire and relax. This story could take awhile, but hey, there’s no better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than reading a breakup story from yours truly.

The following events DID actually happen. It just wasn’t quite as funny to be the person experiencing them.

November 10 – November 17: ESCAPE TO OMAHA

After 2 months full of fights, tears, sleepless nights and never being on the same page, I run home to mommy AKA Omaha. Spend the first few days in a foggy stupor, pondering what in the hell has happened and why I’m still in this relationship. 

tumblr_m8pik03wCV1qgb87zo2_250

After one week, the fog has lifted, and I know what I must do. I am a STRONG, INDEPENDENT WO-MAN. This relationship is no longer healthy for me, and I am going to tell him…over the phone. I want the fairy tale kind of love, and he is NOT it.

tumblr_mel6lxmMhg1qerpcpo1_500

 November 17 – November 22: THE JEWISH GUILT SETS IN

Maybe the phone wasn’t the best medium to share this news. He is angry with me, and I hate when people are angry with me. It kills me. It tortures my soul. I am that person who loses sleep at night knowing anyone dislikes me, let alone my (former) love. I must make this better!

giphy-1

Hop on a plane and rush back to former home to pack up my stuff and get the “movie goodbye” that I must have in order to lift my Jewish Guilt and move onto the next chapter in my life.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-28331-1381306614-9

November 22 – November 30: WTF?

Somehow find myself considering staying in the relationship. He says he still wants to be with me, and I mean, aren’t I lucky to have someone that actually WANTS to be with me? That’s clearly reason enough to stay. I ‘aint getting any younger here (30, people THIRTY). Keep waiting for chivalrous grand gestures aimed at winning me back.

giphy-2

Still waiting…but now I’ve tipped the scale back to “vulnerable” again and find myself saying things like “I just want to know you’re thinking about me…just a couple sweet words? PLEASE, that’s all I need….” At least I remembered to wear waterproof mascara…

giphy-3

December 1 – December 13: AIRPORT GOODBYES – SO OVERRATED 

After Thanksgiving in NYC with my family, I head upstate to spend one last night with Mr. X. We have one of those tearful airport goodbyes, and he tells me we’re meant to be together. We decide that I will go home for a little longer to collect my thoughts, but that we will stay together, because we’re so in love and all that mushy stuff.

tumblr_mwghwudXTO1rw16n9o8_250

Once the cheesy airport goodbye wears off, it occurs to me that perhaps I am better off in Omaha. I feel stronger and more myself when I am here. There are many job opportunities, and I am surrounded by my close family and friends that believe in me. This is where I belong. I’m like Carrie Bradshaw, the Omaha version.

tumblr_mmbrzeqg541qet6two1_500_0

Mr X. asks me to come back, offering to buy me a one-way ticket. In my heart, I know that I will never be happy in this relationship, but I go back. I still care about him, and I tell myself that I owe it to us to to give it a shot.  Maybe love will prevail! Nobody puts Baby in a corner! 

giphy-4

December 13 – December 31st: FAKE HOLIDAY UTOPIA

As soon as I get back, my hands mysteriously find his phone, along with text messages to a woman he took out and pursued while I was in Omaha. I confront him. And we were NOT on a break a la “Ross and Rachel.”

tumblr_m78s6mEnJo1qj29hx

Suddenly, like magic, I am receiving flowers, gifts and all of the love and attention I requested for months. Feels so wrong…but I just.can’t.turn.away.

tumblr_mkctwm6FYd1r8kj1co1_500

Spend the holidays together in utopian bliss, drinking hot chocolate by the fire, hanging Christmas stockings and cuddling up on the couch for Breaking Bad marathons. Maybe, just maybe, it’s going to be ok. People can change, right?

giphy-5

 December 31st – January 15: THE FAIRY TALE UNRAVELS

Almost as fast as you can say “Happy New Year,” our little faux fairy tale begins to unravel. Fights ensue, and it becomes clear that, yep, our problems still look the same in 2014. After 3 straight days of ridiculous fights, he breaks up with me, and I begin to literally feel like I am mentally insane. Seriously, how did I get here? Wasn’t I the one that broke it off in the first place? 

tumblr_mrambq7qcr1sykh6vo1_500

Spend the next week at Michelle’s house trying to figure out my next move and how I’m going to get everything out of Mr. X’s house. Alternate between battling cold/flu, shedding constant tears and feeling incredibly sorry for myself. Also, interview for dream job at the biggest candy company in the world somewhere in the middle of all this. Walk out the door with a giant box of candy and the realization that I clearly didn’t get the job. Promptly get into my first car accident EVER. #RockBottom.

tumblr_mzyi1zkFdJ1sh08qlo3_500

Decide it is time for me to get my rapidly shrinking ass back to Omaha. The flu impairs my judgement, and I assume Mr. X won’t mind me spending a night in the extra room of my relatively large (former) house, so that I can wake up, get my s*** and get the hell out of New York. The conversation does not go as planned – ends with me begging and him being angry. Dignity is officially stripped from my body.

giphy-7

January 15 – Now: EVERY LITTLE THING’S GONNA BE OK

Feel strangely liberated after unceremonious dismissal. Sure, my dignity is somewhere on the bottom of the Hudson River, but who cares? I’m free! Celebrate by going to McDonalds for the first time in 15 years. Breaking up never tasted so good.

giphy-6

Meanwhile, I relay all the details to my friends, and they tell me they have been up late at night dreaming about the day they can say this to Mr. X:

b9a2fe917f8e0ccfc4136eb6cb7e9d5e

Fly home to Omaha to lick my many breakup wounds. After about one week, I begin to feel like a human being again. And though I am yes, 30, single and in-between jobs (my life = bad romantic comedy), things are looking up around here! I’ll have a job and apartment in no time, and as for the single part, well, who knows? Prince Charming may be right around the corner!

anigif_enhanced-buzz-2185-1366025578-1

Until then, I’ve got all the support I need to find a reason to smile every single day.

So, What Next?

Well, there you have it. A glimpse into my life for the past few weeks. It ‘aint pretty, but breaking up really is “hard to do,” and we all deserve a bit of time to grieve for the loss of a great love, no matter what the circumstance.

Slide1

I do find it therapeutic to write about my experience with this breakup, and since I actually found blogs about breakups helpful in those brutal first days, I figure “letting it out” can only help. Over the next few weeks, I hope to share a bit of advice from my own experience with a painful breakup in my 30s, but I’d also like to make people laugh. Because laughter really is the best medicine. I’ll be getting back to my regular posts, but you can expect some “breakup posts” mixed in between.

Until then, I’ll leave you with the #1 piece of advice I take from this breakup: ALWAYS, go with your gut. If you think something is wrong in your relationship, then it probably is. The longer you wait, the harder the heartbreak. If you read my over-dramatic timeline, you’ll see several times where I made the mistake of staying when I already knew the answer.

So, listen to me ladies: You’re stronger than you think. If any of you are struggling with whether or not to get out of a bad relationship, get.out.now.

Bye-Bye-Bye-NSYNC-Dance-Gif

And please, feel free to email me at [email protected] Your friends may be sick of hearing about it (who can blame them?), but I’ll always be here – promise :-)

 PS – Keep in mind that there are two sides to every story, and this is merely one side. I was far from perfect in both my relationship and the “execution” of the breakup, but I write so people can relate. I couldn’t keep blogging without sharing this important change in my personal life.

PPS – To any gentlemen reading this that are considering dating me: I swear I’m not Taylor Swift. I won’t be writing about the little details of our relationship. This is a healthy living blog, after all.

28 Thoughts on “So, ya Just Broke Up: Write About It

  1. I’m glad you wrote this! The part about going from strong to pathetic in a matter of days and wondering what the hell happened….yeah. Just, yeah. Honesty is rare and, I think, powerful medicine…maybe as powerful as laughter. So thanks for sharing.

  2. Wow, you have a great way with words. Maybe 4 years ago, I broke up with a Mr.X type (although this one was kindof abusive). I hated my job, hated him, hated everything. I moved to a outdoorsy, ski town (Jackson Hole, WY), worked at a coffee shop and ended up meeting my now, fiance. SUCH a cliche, but it really did happen when I had hit rock-bottom and was not even “looking” for it. Your words really struck a chord. Thanks for sharing :)
    Natalie recently posted…My Morning/Nighttime Skincare RoutineMy Profile

    • Thank you Natalie! What a great story – I’m so glad that things worked out so well for you. I’m also glad you could relate to my story. Congrats to you on your engagement :-)

  3. Agree with Natalie- this is a tough issue that you dealt with so honestly and articulately. You are an inspiration to all the girls out there who are afraid to make the change and all of those who feel like they wont recover from a tough break up. Seems like “writing about it” is not only helpful to you, it is helpful to the many women who deal with this kind of thing. You seem well on the way to better things- good luck!

  4. It’s so brave of you to share your story! Hang in there and you’ll come out a much stronger person. I love how you turned something obviously so heartbreaking into something funny.

    • haha I rarely think of myself as brave, but thank you for the wonderful compliment. I’m glad my little story was able to add a couple of laughs in your day :-)

  5. This definately could not have been an easy post for you to write. Sharing your story will certainly help somoene who reads your blog who is probably going through something similar. Continue to remain strong and concentrate on you now. You deserve nothing but the best and there’s no better time to do that than the present!

    • Thank you Briana! In the beginning it was difficult to write, but after a while, I started being able to laugh at myself, and that’s when I turned a corner :-) I appreciate the advice and the kind words. I only hope that my funny little story helps someone else!

  6. Thank you so much for writing this and sharing it with everyone. I broke up with my boyfriend (actually fiancé but I couldn’t even start wedding planning I was so unhappy) of 6+ years last year and it was a mess. I should have broken it off after about 2 years but insecurity and other stupid crap made me stay. Then with my 30th birthday approaching I couldn’t imagine being single at that age and at least someone wanted me, right? It was hard to adjust to life without the person I had grown “used” to always being there (as I’m sure you understand) but it gets easier, I swear! I’m proud of you because I know exactly how scary this can be (on top of the usual heartbreak). If you ever want to vent or chat, I’m always around! :)

    Kiran

    • Great to hear from you Kiran! It just warms my heart when people from the past pop in and read my blog :-)

      First off, glad to hear that you are doing well, and good for you for breaking it off before that next step! That truly is brave. Secondly, so glad you could relate to my story – we should definitely reconnect!

  7. Anjelica on 12 February, 2014 at 12:05 am said:

    Thank you for bravely recounting what you went through. I think everyone has been “there” but didn’t likely capture the humor about the situation as you so brilliantly did.

    • Thank you Anjelica. I definitely pride myself in finding humor out of difficult situations – like I always say “As long as you can laugh at yourself, you will never cease to be amused.” :-)

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  8. Pingback: WIAW: Back in the Game | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  9. Pingback: Cookie Dough Oreo V-Day Truffles + Kickboxing Bootcamp Workout + a Romcom Must-See List | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  10. Pingback: 5 Sometimes Healthy Things to Do After a Breakup | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  11. Pingback: Breaking Up (with Social Media) is Hard to Do | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  12. Pingback: Things I’m Loving: Baby It’s STILL Cold Outside | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  13. hina ahmed on 7 March, 2014 at 9:07 pm said:

    I had a problem with my boyfriend six months ago,which lead to us apart.
    When he broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside
    sorry.Until a friend of mine told me about one of her spells that helped in
    same problem too. i email the spells and I told him my problem
    and I did what he asked me to briefly make. the long story Before I knew it
    what happened,not 48 hours,my friend gave me a call and he
    come back to me and told me he was sorry about what was going to happen, I’m so
    grateful to these spells and will not stop publishing his name on the internet
    just for the good work he has doing.If you need his help,you can email him at
    ([email protected])and he will also help you to Dr.Akim(
    [email protected]) I will be forever grateful to you.

  14. Pingback: A Sometimes Healthy Weekend in O-Town | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  15. Hey ! stumbled accross your blog from a WIAW linkup, what do you know!? I absolutely LOVE this post and can relate so much. I still currently am with someone that I have broken up with a few times already… something keeps me there. I think I just only think about the good times. It seems like peaks and valleys and right now it is a peak so idk.. your post inspires me that I can do it and need to go with my gut more.. and can be happier.
    Thanks for your story !!!
    Lauren @ LoveChocolateLife recently posted…WIAW: Sleepless WeekMy Profile

    • Wow – I can’t even tell you how much it means to me to read this :-) I always wonder why I write/if it’s worth it, and when I know that maybe my writing can affect somebody else, I decide it’s definitely worth it!

      I don’t know what your situation is, but I can only imagine what you’re going through. For me, even when there was a “peak,” I felt very guilty about feeling happy – it was a feeling of uneasiness. Maybe you feel that too. Anyway, just don’t be too hard on yourself and remember that everyone does things in their own time. Maybe it will take you some time to get to the right choice, but that’s ok. So my best advice – allow yourself to accept where you’re at, and don’t feel bad about what you’re doing. Whether or not you realize it, in a year or so, you’ll probably be exactly where you should be.

      GOOD LUCK :-) Feel free to email me whenever!

  16. Pingback: A Letter to Someone Going Through a Breakup | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  17. Pingback: If I Lived the Way I Run… | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  18. Pingback: 5 Things I Learned from Yoga | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

  19. Pingback: Why You Should Believe in Clichés | The Sometimes Healthy Living Blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge

Post Navigation